the what if's

I know that it's stupid to feel this way. I am my own person. I am not her, or her, or him. I'm in control of my own life. I should be so envious of other people or so disappointed in myself because I have brought everything upon myself.
So why is it so hard to simply forget?
Feelings like this are never welcome. We talk about Pandora's box and about greed, selfishness, pettiness, jealousy. All those feelings are consuming me and eating me alive.
The worst thing that I think about is what could have been. The what if's are always a dangerous subject to ponder upon.

I just want to be able to get past this and grow as a person. Grow as a plant.
-grass