when 5 strikes

I know I won't get it,
and yet I am pursuing it.
I know the things I do are pointless,
and yet I still do them.
I know the things I say that no one will listen,
and yet I still say them.
I know the things I write are crappy,
and yet I still write them.
I know improvement does not matter,
and yet I would still like to improve.
I know that motivation is limited,
and yet I would like to see them motivated.
I know they don't get me,
and yet I wish they could.
I know I don't talk a lot there,
and yet I wish I could talk with them about everything.
I know it's going to hurt at the end,
and yet I am bringing myself there.
I know it will be embarrassing,
and yet I will still do it.
I know I will freeze in the middle of my presentation,
and yet I will still finish.
I know no one cares,
and yet I still wish they did.
I know when the names are announces I will want to run to the other end of the world,
and yet I will still listen.
I know when she gets it and I don't, I will hug her,
and yet I will feel second.
I know when reality strikes I will cry,
and yet I will still let reality hit me.
I know I need to readjust my motives,
and yet this does not leave my mind.
I know failure awaits we at the end,
and yet I still strive for this.
I know it I know it I know it so well.
I know it I know it inside and out.
I know it because it's played in my mind 529483570 times.
I know it because that's how society works.
I know it I know it I know it so well.
AndyetIknowthereissuchathingcalledhopeandthatiswhatIamholdingonto.