So I've decided that climbing up stairs is extremely annoying and inconvenient for me, particularly when I wish to access the kitchen whilst I am in my room.

I'm going to build a slide.

It's been decided.

-grass

My mom just told Jelly to say "hi" to the guy who is here to change our window blinds. Yes, the world we live in is crazy.

On the other hand, I'm starting to watch The Big Bang Theory. I watched the first episode a while ago and thought it was mediocre, but I've watched some snippets on TV recently and it was hilarious!

If that doesn't work out, then I'm just going to watch an episode of Dr. Who. 

Life is hard, huh.

That was sarcastic, for your information.

-grass

life

I've decided to seriously start writing on this blog. Not just my ridiculous "thought" posts, although I think those are kind of cute ;).

I've just had a few things on my mind lately that I think would be better for me to say out loud, anonymously of course. 

I recently read an article about people who are "energy drainers." They are appropriately named, as they basically suck the energy out of your very soul. Just kidding. Not that extreme. 

But I can definitely identify a few "energy drainers" in my life. The thing is, as much as I wish I could avoid them, I can't. Some of them are my best friends. And we all get caught up in Asian High School Drama, which I shall abbreviate to AHSD. We don't care as much about boys as we do about grades, college, GPA, and whatnot.

But as any person with common sense can see, the prestige of the college doesn't matter. It's about how well I, as a student, can fit in with the environment. So as much as I try to remind myself that in the end, it's all about how happy I am, how well I fit in, I sometimes still get sucked into the constant chatter about Harvard or Princeton or Yale. And as hard as I try to stay unaffected, I can feel myself slowly conforming to that popular belief. 

I can see myself in the future, cramped in a lab all day, coming home to a too small apartment at night. 

I refuse to follow this fate.

Maybe I'll take a year off between college and grad school to travel, to teach yoga (if my teacher licensing goes well), to live. Maybe I'll write a book. Maybe I'll fulfill my dream of volunteering and making a difference.

The important thing is that I don't get sucked into this fierce academic world obsessed with grades and prestige. The important thing is that I stay true to myself and live out my life as fully as possible, knowing that everything I do, I do for Him.

I refuse to be sucked in.

-grass

Day 2 // Thoughts

• wish garlic were here
• hope she is not at home watching dramas and living vicariously through the lives of plastic people
• plastic, but good-looking
• harhar
• this test is taking forever
• math is so hard
• brain hurts!!!
• hey math teacher is not dressed so shabbily today
• cr zoned out
• omg so hot
• do they not have ac or something
• because i am about to die
• from stuffiness
• sweating!!!
• this is gross
• stupid natural deodorant!!
• AHH writing teacher
• love him
• he is a pastor
• omg
• he is so cool
• omg
• theology at harvard
• omg
• omg
• omg
• omg
• omg
• omg
• YES FINALLY
• FREEDOM

Day 1 //Thoughts

• boring
• so so boring
• why do they make their own tests that are so much harder??
• this is so dumb
• why am i here
• no grass, you must keep a positive outlook because you're stuck here whether you like it or not!
• class is super silent
• super awk
• wow this test is hard
• wow math is hard
• my brain really hurts
• need air
• so hot
• can't take jacket off // will feel self conscious
• need to lose weight
• too fat
• i can feel my belly
• beer belly
• harhar
• 5 minutes left
• omg so long
• when is this going to end
• LUNCH 
• omg math teacher
• so dumb
• h8!!
• cr teacher
• um dumb!!
• writing teacher
• so cool!!
• jk kinda scary
• cool tho
• omg is that her!!!!??!?!??!?!?!!?!?1/?
• yes it is
• wow weird
• merp
• ugh hungry
• FREEDOM

Grassngarlic

the what if's

I know that it's stupid to feel this way. I am my own person. I am not her, or her, or him. I'm in control of my own life. I should be so envious of other people or so disappointed in myself because I have brought everything upon myself.
So why is it so hard to simply forget?
Feelings like this are never welcome. We talk about Pandora's box and about greed, selfishness, pettiness, jealousy. All those feelings are consuming me and eating me alive.
The worst thing that I think about is what could have been. The what if's are always a dangerous subject to ponder upon.

I just want to be able to get past this and grow as a person. Grow as a plant.
-grass