my mom walked in the dorr

YOU CANT HEAR THE MUSIC THOUGH

4/24/13

eic tom

for some reason, I'm not scared.
yeah.
i'm not scared. even i I say I am scared or nervous, I'm not. I don't know why. I should be scared. I should be nervous.
But I'm fine.
and after tomorrow, maybe I'll shed some tears, maybe I won't. but everything will be okay in the end.

Reassured, reassured, always reassured.
God is good all the time FORREALS
anyway pastor quoc made a joke today at church about those three best friends who went through the fire, meshak, somethingelseshak, and abedhigo or something.
and he kept on saying a-bad-nigo
did not get joke until later
but i thought it was really funny

maybe

Maybe you'll see this tomorrow. Maybe you'll see this in a year, in ten years. Maybe never. Maybe you never even meant to check on this website but you accidentally typed gr- and then [enter] and this showed up. Or maybe someone will talk about grass or garlic and you remembered this. Or maybe you thought of me and you came here. Or maybe you remember you had a mutual dead blog with someone else. Or maybe something just propelled you to bring you here. Or maybe you'll be fine. You'll be fine. And for me, perhaps it will take me a little bit longer. Yes...longer. Or maybe you don't understand. Maybe the words I try to say and show my feelings through just can't reach you, like a short kid trying to reach a cookie jar. Maybe I can't express the things I want to say because I get flustered.  Maybe if I understood. Maybe if you asked.Maybe I should tell you about the tears. Maybe not. Maybe I should  just wait. Maybe I should be patient like I learned at fellowship group today. Or maybe I should be looking. But I don't want to look. I don't want to have to shift my heart and drag it up a notch from where it's currently lodged.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong about now. But then maybe I was wrong about the time? Maybe it should have been 2 am instead  2 pm? 

there is so much i want to say
so much i want to do
but i just end up doing
none of the two

Prom, prom, prom, prom

Deep down somewhere in my heart is the desire to be asked to prom. Quite honestly I'm still afraid to go alone. I know I'll have fun, but I'm still scared. Photos and such will be awkward.

love.

Love is not about how you feel, it's about giving.

So Pastor Quoc was talking about this on Sunday...and I guess it kind of struck me. For a while now I've been trying to love people because I'm supposed to, or for the sake of being "the good daughter" "the good friend" or "the good whatever." Came back to school today, and life is tough. Not gonna lie. I feel that life is tough, and my heart feels all tightened and hardened the minute I walk through the doors. I remember before break, I was asking the questions, what about me? What about how I feel? Why do I feel like I'm hurting? Why me....again God?

This quote is something I'm going to keep close on my mind and closer to my heart. It's going to be a tough week....but...love is giving. Love is the hellos and the smiles and the laughs and the support. Yes, the support even if you don't understand or don't comprehend, it's not giving up until the end - or making sure there is no end, even if it's the tiniest thread around...it's still a thread.

Love is giving, love is pursuing, love is strength.