mmm

help me to cling to the truth and not my feelings

I need your spark to quicken a heart that's quick to withering

- jin

Rain

I love rain. I think I want to live in Seattle.

I love rain. It makes me feel sad. It makes me feel calm. It makes me feel simple. It makes me get life into balance again. It makes me want to to cry. It makes me laugh. It makes me think of funerals - I think on my grandfather's funeral day, it was raining.

I remember standing in the rain. Rain is fun to stand in. But tasting the rain; it's actually quite bitter. I felt like I was drunk on rain -- not woozy, but out of it. I liked that feeling.

Rain is such a beautiful thing. It come and cleanses us. It comes and washes our bad feelings. God is like the rain. Rain is like God.

Rain is such a beautiful word. It's not part of any strenuous vocabulary list. It's probably one of the first 5000 words a child will learn.

But the word rain is like one person clapping his or her hand. Rain echos. Rain makes an impact. It's a steady beat. It's the music of nature.

I love rain.

excuse my late night incoherence but

I absolutely abhor sounding cliche.

But I think that I've just had one of the biggest revelations of my life. So perhaps, just this once, you will allow me to share my utterly cliched story.

I don't know why I care so much about these trivial aspects of life: grades, tests, materialistic gratifications, etc. The list is unerring and endless, which is quite sad.

I only have 2 years left in high school. Actually, not even 2. These are the last years that I will spend with my loving parents, who have cared for me with so much love for 16 years. And I'm thanking them by stressing myself out and isolating myself?

I don't understand the world sometimes. We live in such defined macrocosms, all striving towards one goal that might not even be right for us. I've never even been to Brown University, yet I'm convinced that it's the right place for me, that I will be happy to refer to is as a home for four years of my life. For perhaps the four most fruitful years of my life. 

There are things we hold with the utmost regard-the recent chemistry test, SAT scores, tournament results.

But if we were to really think, to actually use our brains for something other than mindless studying and memorization, perhaps we would be able to understand that there is more. 

There is more to life than this. 

And it's up to us to find it. 

-grass

Halloween Costume

 Used Lightsaber            $3.00
 Anakin Skywalker Shirt $1.00
 Oversized Hiking Boots $100.00
Black Pants                    $10.00

Getting the wrong colored lightsaber = priceless

life lately

according to my iphone pictures

-grass

New York

Can't wait until the day I get to see you again...


-grass

中文

糟糕 = 蛋糕

Adrenaline

Adrenaline runs around my chest like a sick child
It hurts, it feels like it's bleeding
I swear it's grabbing my heart my now
I can barely take a breath without gasping for air
The air in the room seems to be swirling
Stacks of books and groups of people are nothing right now -- just an undefined blob of colorless parts
I feel like a warrior getting ready to face Death, charging onto a battlefield with nothing before him
I feel like a mouse attempting to grasp that delicious Asagio Rosemary Olive Oil cheese from the mouse trap
I feel like a phone that's been snapped
My face is a bright red, heated and nervous and boiling
My hands are ice, like a dead man's hands on a cold winter day
I am so scared.
I am so scared.
The silence of the room is agitating. The only sound left is the click and clacking of my fingers, bringing more attention to myself then I would like.
Three minutes until I step up to the plate.
Three minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how people do not have heart attacks before public speeches.
Perhaps the ones we see on a television screen are the ones who survive these attacks.
My heart is a nervous container when PV is not equal to nRT and something is about to collapse.
Nervous galore.

I hope every thing will come out ok.
I like to pretend I sing on The Voice.
Which will never happen because I suck at singing, but a girl can dream. 

Here, I have a random collection of photos. Enjoy.

-grass

overwhelmed

overwhelmed
ovER WHELMED

pointless poem

pointless pointless pointless poo

poo is a pointless pointless pointless pile

pointless pointless pointless poo

school is a pointless pointless pointless pile

-garlic

(SAT)urdays

oh, how collegeboard must have laughed when they came up with the infamous "SAT" acronym. 
oh, how i hate you collegeboard. you have a monopoly on college entrance exams and you call yourself non-profit. non-profit my butt!!!!
taking the november sats, and my pre test trauma has officially settled in. i hope it gets nice and cozy because it will stay with me for two weeks.   i think i'm going to live a very chaste and celibate lifestyle for the next two weeks. i will attempt to jam as many vocabulary words as my brain will allow. please god, let me pass my first time. please. 
i should have worked harder.
i should have studied smarter.
but i didn't.
and now i will have a dingy, horrible score to taunt me and prove my worthlessness.
i hate this.


-grass

Oh, this weather

I guess this can kind of be a continuation of grass's blurb about this winter season. 
I definitely feel the effects of autuminter (autum + winter too). I just want to curl up in bed and sleep all day. My motivation relies in hot soups and chocolates. 
I feel as lazy as a sloth...even writing this post takes energy...

'Tis the season

the holidays are almost here. and of course, that means that we're all going to be loosening those belts soon. yesterday, i went to costco and to my utter surprise, i found these lovely caramel apples on display! these aren't very cheap-about $9-but i just had to bring one of these babies home. and boy, am i sorry. 

this is a dark chocolate + toffee flavored apple. i forgot how much i really hate genuine caramel. and toffee, since when did you become so darn sweet?

looks can be deceiving. this definitely does not taste as good as it looks. and this is one thing i can cross off from my danger list because i ain't gonna eat this no more.

-grass

Finding my font

Does this feel like me?
Or this
No. 
Plus Grass is already this.
Okay. I hope I find mine soon. 
how about me
This is not me either
I honestly like you but 
sometimes Times just seems so much more reliable 
I don't think I'd be able to stick with you for the rest of my life
okay 
times it is
-garlic

grass' green smoothie

i just thought that i would share my extremely delectable smoothie for y'all. in case you didn't know, i drink a green smoothie every day, hence my name of "grass." obviously, this implies that "garlic" does indeed eat garlic every day. i heard she eats them raw, but don't tell her i said that. 

anyway, this smoothie was absolutely stunning and just adorable, so i had to take a picture of it, and then of course i had to instagram it. note how instagram is both a noun and verb. huzzah! 

those are chia seeds on top, in case you were wondering. they supposedly have magical effects that i have yet to experience :(

-grass
ps now you can distinguish between garlic and my posts since i use this font and no upper case letters ;)

November's arrival

I wish I was determined. 

I wish I had that drive that only a couple people I know have.

I wish that when I set my mind to something,I will accomplish it. 

I wish for "impossible" to not exist in my vocabulary.

November's resolution. 

Your Love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me

I can't wait to move to New York where I can be and do anything I want.
-grass

There is an ache in a different part of my foot with every step that I take.
I cannot help but reminisce about the unreal sensations that I have experienced.
I cannot help but be thankful that my parents spent their whole weekend with me.
I cannot help but appreciate my life.
I cannot help but love this pain.
I cannot help but look forward to the end of my 4 day recovery week and start training for my 10K in November.

-grass

Saturdays

When all eyes are staring at you, it's quite intimidating. The seconds grow longer and time becomes a void itself. I feel a stubborn fear lodged inside of my throat, allowing me to only produce inarticulate murmurs. I dare not lift my eyes from the papers in front of me. When the teacher calls my name, the room seems to hold its breath, sighing in silence when my impotence is once again shown. The judgement seeps from the steel-plated hearts of my classmates, and I swear I can feel it crawling over me, gnawing on the outside, trying to get skin-deep. I want to run. I want to get out of here. I want to run and never come back. I want to run and never come back and let them all watch me fly away. But even so, the little voice of perseverance leads me back to this pandemonium every week. 
-Garlic